Luluhkan hatiku…

1^st
August 2000

Note
: This article is from my = me = male point of views…when you’re in love but
things are not going "smooth"…it’s a "…give me your heart,
make it real or else forget about it…" kind of thing…

Salams.

What’s so great about love? Coming from someone who thinks he’s not been
getting enough of it lately, it means a lot! The last thing you need is another
heartbreak! Just when things on the other side are looks pretty well, things
are not that rosy on the "love" side, that’s always the case and yes,
roses can bleed you if you’re not careful with it’s thorns. Try taking it like
it’s one of your learning process of maturity…yes, the hard way. You’ll probably be
a little bit emotional, if you’re that type - it’s natural. Being in this kind
of intricate situation sure exposed that weakness side of you. Erghhh, hate it
when that happens right? Love…makes you feel invincible, yet you’re not. It’s
just your illusion. You’re willing to do anything, I mean ANYTHING for it yet
by the end of the day, it makes you wonder whether it’s worth all the
trouble…that and yes, if you happen to survive.

Now,
when you’re in this kind of mess, say like feeling lonely and down, hearing
love songs is a NO-NO! Ouch! To Dear Miss Faith, this kiss so criminal?
Unstoppable? Unsinkable? Yeah when you’re in love, it’s centrifugal motion,
it’s perpetual bliss and it’s that pivotal moment…it’s unstoppable, unsinkable
and it’s criminal…that’s the feeling. Alas, for someone like you, who’s in a limbo
world, really not knowing what’s in store, the feelings are in a haywire mode.
You don’t really know how to interpret your feelings. There are moments that
you felt like just want to let it go…but "why are you still in my heart,
still in my soul?" Ahhhh Miss Faith, I assume that’s your line again.

Then,
there are moments that…"I thought life was over and out, when she went
away from me, my dying heart made it hard to breathe. I felt so all alone
because she were my earth, my number one priority. I gave my love to only her
but somewhere down the road, she felt a change in the weather and told me that
she had to journey on…but time made me stronger. After all the misery and pain
she put me through, she’s no longer my world. I’m doing just fine and getting
along very well without her on my mind…", heyyyy that sounds like Boyz 2 Men! Nevermind, that happens when that "angry" feeling came to play. Like usual, it’s
your mind SCREWING you around. Nothing new, people do craziest or stupid things
and live to regret later. That’s love, victim of love more like it…and it’s you!

It’s
also a TWISTED ELEGANT knd of thing. The special need that’s within us, tends to bring
out the best, yet worst in us. Though somehow deep inside, you know or maybe assumed,
that she’s just confused with the whole situation. But hey, you’re confused
too…huh, come to think of it…everyone is confused when in this kind of situation!
See what you have done dear? You’re messing not only with your mind and mine,
you have to messed with other too! Now, why you want to go and do that love?

But
wait! There’s something about her…she knows you, your deepest fears and your
fantasies. Is it an act of provocation? Knowing your partner (yeah sure…as if
you know. You’re wouldn’t be in mess in the first place if you know!), that’s a
possibility. She might be cooking all this just to push you to greater heights
(or simply to dump you). So she’s that smart eh? You bet! She’s a woman… you
know…the kind of woman that dictates. It fits, a King of Wishful Thinking…MEN
like you being dictates by a Smart "Always Cooking Something" Woman
that love to dictates. My…what love can do to screw all those Wishful Thinking
Men minds. Worse still when they are cooking something! You can bet all your
wishful thinking will be squashed and cooked and fed into the world of reality!
Come to think of it, I might just do some research to find out how many men
have such encounters and live to tell. Those info might come in handy for me!

So
now back to how you suppose to feel…everytime you saw her face, your heart
began to race. One half wants you to go and the other half tells you to stay.
You do get so lonely…one half wants you to let just any Tom, Dick and Harry to hold you down but - being a sucker - the other half for telling you that she’s the one, the only one, the one
that lives in you. You do get so lonely…when she came to mind. And you do call
her, just to hear her voice, knowing that she’s ok and asking her…Mannnn, you do get so
lonely. You wished she would take a minute to understand you, reevaluate her
mind…you’re everything she need and in this world a good man is hard to find
(you eh?). She should know. Heck, you know she knows. You know she misses you and you
know when all is said and done, she’ll think about this episode and realize
that you were the one. There’s so many things to say, so many things to talk
about. She’s the strength you hold onto. You want to strive together and be
perfect, till death do you part. These trials and tribulations build up walls,
but if you stand strong together enough, you can break it down and journey on.
Just bond your hearts and there’ll be nothing that will stand in your
way…you’ll be together forever and a day…now that’s what I call A Wishful Thinking!

So
now what’s so great about love? Apart from all the above plus all those love
songs you can think of and the bare truth about us-we-men weakness, it’s still
something that just can’t be describe precisely by words. It’s so special that
can make you feel on cloud nine or vice-versa…yes it can hurt too, but
love…trust me, be in it and you’ll understand. Reading this doesn’t actually
help much. Go out there, be in love, feel the heat, get burned and repeat the
whole process over and over again…who cares anyway when you know the password
of your heart…LOVE.

p/s:
In LOVE, you (as a man) is just a mice in that Pied-Pipper’s tale…GET IT?

Salams.

*Ini zaman dulu - harap maklum. Mohon maaf "grammar" - Saja-saja mengimbas…Har har har, kini saya benar terhibur…:D

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